Reflections: The Dark Nights Of The Soul
A Look Back to 2012, Some 2017 Wolf Moon Photos, Bonus Music Video and Book Recommendations
Thirteen years ago in early January, I took a tumble in my driveway and I ended up with lisfranc sprain on my right foot that put me in a cast for 11 weeks. It was a difficult time for me emotionally.
This piece was originally posted on my personal blog, PamelaLeavey.com in February, 2012 a few weeks after the injurious fall. I’ve made some edits and changed the photos from the original post on my blog to three photos I took of the Wolf Moon in 2017. They feel as though they fit with the them of the dark nights of the soul.
I thought it would be interesting to diverge from my Daily Affirmations, Poetry and Food For Thought posts and share something a little more offbeat in the creative nonfiction/memoir style and give my readers here a glimpse of my spiritual path.
Last January when I first published here I had less than 500 readers and I had been reluctant to actually send this out, but I did and I was glad I did.
Today it is going out again, because I am wrestling with some new health issues, and honestly I can’t seem to find any equilibrium in my life of late. I stay busy here with my Substack because I must. The diversion, the work the community is everything to me.
And so without further digression…
The Dark Nights Of The Soul
I have alluded from time to time that I have been on a path filled with struggles in recent weeks. It has been a time that many would call, the dark nights of the soul, referring to a time in one's life when spiritual practice and discipline suddenly loses all it's experiential value.
Some also equate the dark nights of the soul with depression, however in truth it is more of spiritual crisis.
This particular journey through the dark nights of the soul started for me when I had what then seemed like a minor fall in my driveway, on the last full moon, January 8, 2012 ~ the Wolf Moon.
That fall however, coupled with other concurring trials and tribulations, has managed to turn my world upside down and leave my soul weary and wondering.
Try as I may day by day, hour by hour, and at times minute by minute, I ask for answers and I am, most oft left wanting.
Yet, there are times through it all, when I know that the universe has some mighty plans for me in this time of darkness, and I see a spark of light beckon through the darkness. I have watched the moon as it goes through it's phases and as she began to wax, I began to feel my strength waxing with the her.
And then, in a recent moment of clarity a few days later, when faced with yet another trial, I knew that the intuitive, empath in me had in fact been feeling a wound resting in the vessel of a dear one who was diagnosed with yet another round of cancer.
Learning what I had about my dearest friend, some of my suffering then became clearer. And, in that moment of clarity, I thanked the Mother Goddess/Holy Mother and the Grandmother Moon for guiding me, nurturing my soul and feeding my heart with their wisdom. Yes, they were listening, I told myself...
Then like balm to the weary soul, the Grandmother and the Mother guided me back into the light with their strong, nurturing voices ringing clear in the darkness...
Rise Up. Rise Up... You are not alone in your struggles. The Mother hears... She listens.
Daughter, you must know that these are the tests of time... And you have weathered for worse than this on your journey through this life.
Tired as you may be, you must Rise Up, because you have work to do. There are those who need the healing and wisdom of which you have been gifted...
So... Rise Up. Rise Up... The moon is full once again and you have been replenished in it's ethereal light.
And so they spoke to me, the Great Mother Goddess and the Grandmother Moon and I felt my strength slowly return. Still I know, needed as I was to give my strength to others, that there will be more dark nights before the tests of time are through...
I believe, there are times in each of our lives that take us each into the dark nights of the soul. But, no matter how dark the nights may seem, no matter how bleak the circumstances are, no matter how deep the despair, call out to her... She will hear your calls.
Call out to the Holy Mother and she will be there to wrap you in her arms of love and comfort you. The dark nights will pass. There will be light.
And, remember too, to look to the Grandmother Moon when she is full and bask in her glow... For when she is full, she has come to guide you back from the dark nights of the soul...
Blessed Be... Pamela
The divine feminine has been a long term interest and study for me since the early 90’s when I first read Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés and then subsequently read When the Drummers Were Women by Layne Redmond.
Layne Redmond was a renown frame drummer who spent 10 years researching the history of frame drumming and traveling along the path of the ancient original drummers, women. When I think of Layne Redmond travels and book, I think of Loreena McKennitt’s travels tracing the roots of Celtic and Middle Eastern music.
I think I will end this Dark Nights of the Soul post sharing one of my favorite Loreena McKennitt songs. Enjoy this beautiful version of her song, The Dark Night Of The Soul, performed live.
The song, The Dark Nights Of The Soul is from the McKennitt’s CD, The Mask & Mirror.
Loreena McKennitt has such an amazing voice, she sings so effortlessly and carries you away with her beautiful melodies. I was blessed to see her perform in Los Angeles in May 2007 on her Ancient Muse tour. McKennitt’s travels into the history of music has brought her along similar paths as Layne Redmond.
As always, please feel free to leave a comment. Let’s talk about the dark nights of the dark nights of the soul, depression, anxiety, being an empath, following and walking on the path of the Great Mother Goddess, spirituality, music, whatever this post brings up for you. Leave a comment, let’s chat!
My hope is that my posts here on Words and Pictures, inspire you all to become free or paid subscribers. For as little as $5 a month or $50 a year, you can help support my work here.
Other ways to support my work here include a donation to my PayPal Account or to my Buy Me A Coffee account.
This community is everything to me, I am so excited to be here in 2025 with all of you, my readers and my Substack friends!
Last but not least, when getting ready to publish this post I recalled a very good book I have in my library that I would like to recommend for anyone struggling with the Dark Nights of the Soul, author Thomas Moore’s book, Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life's Ordeals. His book Care of the Soul is one of my favorite books in my library of spiritual books.
Related Post:
Pamela, first I send you love. I hope you are feeling better soon.
The synchronicity of this post really hit me. My last few posts talked about how we could be spiritual doulas to each other and how writing our spiritual autobiographies and memoirs could be a gift we leave for others. This is what you have done here.
Decades ago, I had a dark night of the soul but had no idea what it was, which made it all the more difficult. Later, the books I needed to read enlightened me about that experience. I wonder now how it might have been different if I knew "this is normal...this will pass...this is necessary to get to the next part of the path." At the least, it may have dissolved some of the terror that made me resist rather than sink into the experience with trust that, though painful, all would be well.
This past summer I was rereading the Manual for Teachers in A Course in Miracles and, as typically happens, a video popped up that illuminated the section on Trust in a way that allowed me to go much deeper with it. The stages of Trust presented in that section reminded me so much of that dark night of the soul decades ago. Here's a link if you're interested in reading it: https://acimce.app/book/M-4.I
Thank you for this most important post. Your final words are a comfort we can carry with us:
"Call out to the Holy Mother and she will be there to wrap you in her arms of love and comfort you. The dark nights will pass. There will be light.
"And, remember too, to look to the Grandmother Moon when she is full and bask in her glow... For when she is full, she has come to guide you back from the dark nights of the soul..."
And once we remember that all is well, your reminder will kick in:
"Tired as you may be, you must Rise Up, because you have work to do. There are those who need the healing and wisdom of which you have been gifted..."
❤️
I am thinking of you Pamela and sending you love and the light from a full moon here in NZ.
It takes courage to still post when you are feeling like this. I relate to what you say : "I stay busy here with my Substack because I must. The diversion, the work the community is everything to me."
I have lost my writing spark of late as you know. It was the last thing to go and it was the most important. When I create I am most connected to spirit. Creativity gives us purpose and a spring in our step.
Here though, in this very special Substack community we can still connect while we rest and restore and come back to our own full glow.
Thank you for sharing of yourself still during this time.
❤️